Barfbag the Pig
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Once there was a pig named Barfbag. He was a connoisseur of the finest foods; if he ate anything, or even the tiniest morsel of anything that was not gourmet quality, he would throw up and so he got the nickname "Barfbag". And because of this "unique" quality, he was useful to gourmet chefs to see what quality their recipes were. Over the years he became quite famous and he was on the cover of every food magazine. During his years of work, he had become quite fat and was 1274 lbs. And had made a few enemies. Among them were Islamic extremists who reasoned if a pig that ate only gourmet food, then the bacon would be gourmet food itself. The president, one of his biggest fans, feared for his safety, so he sent his own secret service to protect Barfbag. Barfbag, tired of this publicity wanted to retire, but without a 401k-retirement plan, it was unlikely that he ever would retire. Then one day, a stranger appeared from nowhere and spoke to Barfbag...