funny
- This is a preview of the essay.
To view the full text you must login!
TO MY DEAR WIFE:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten
> > > > days.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 54 times the sheets were clean
> > > >
> > > > 17 times it was too late
> > > >
> > > > 49 times you were too tired
> > > >
> > > > 20 times it was too hot
> > > >
> > > > 15 times you pretended to be sleep
> > > >
> > > > 22 times you had a headache
> > > >
> > > > 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
> > > >
> > > > 16 times you said you were too sore
> > > >
> > > > 12 times it was the wrong time of the month
> > > >
> > > > 19 times you had to get up early
> > > >
> > > > 9 times you said weren't in the mood
> > > >
> > > > 7 times you were sunburned
> > > >
> > > > 6 times you were watching the late show
> > > >
> > > > 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
> > > >
> > > > 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
> > > >
> > > > 9 times you said your mother would hear us
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory
> > > > because:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 6 times you just laid there
> > > >
> > > > 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
> > > >
> > > > 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
> > > >
> > > > 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
> > > >
> > > > 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > KEEP READING.......
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > ==========================================================
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons
> >you
> > > > didn't get more than you did:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > 5 times you came home drunk and tried to scr*w the cat
> > > >
> > > > 36 times you did not come home at all
> > > >
> > > > 21 times you didn't c*m
> > > >
> > > > 33 times you came too soon
> > > >
> > > > 19 times you went soft before you got in
> > > >
> > > > 38 times you worked too late
> > > >
> > > > 10 times you got cramps in your toes
> > > >
> > > > 29 times you had to get up early to play golf
> > > >
> > > > 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the b*lls
> > > >
> > > > 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
> > > >
> > > > 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
> > > >
> > > > 2 times you had a splinter in your finger
> > > >
> > > > 20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
> > > >
> > > > 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
> > > >
> > > > 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on
>TV
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Of the times we did get together:
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > The reason I laid still was because you missed and were scr*wing
> >the
> > > > sheets.
> > > >
> > > > I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said
>was,
> > > > "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?..