first class of the ManagementDepartment
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I went to the first class of the Management
Department this morning and felt terrible afterwards.
I didn't sleep well last night so I wasn't in good
mood this morning, but it's no excuse for me to be so
timid then.
I sensed fear greatly during the class, which began
by discussing one reading assigned last Monday when I
wasn't able to attend thus had no idea about. Other
students raised hands and participated in discussions
warmly while I felt frustrated by not being able to
join. Then the topic shifts to the reading I've read
all the weekend and the professor asked us about our
opinions, still most students joined the discussion
comfortablely while I waited and waited and still
couldn't find courage to raise my hand and speak out
what I prepared (not in good quality, but it's at
least something!)
I felt terrible after this, not only because that
my English is not good enough (it can never be good
enough) but more important, I gave up the chance to
imporve by not raising my hand. Since all professors
and colleagues in Architecture Dept. became familiar
with me, I've forgot this bad feelings for a while.
But all of a sudden, I recalled the bad feelings I've
had when I first came to the US and in the beginning
of photography class in which I always feel awkward to
speak in front of my classmates who master the
language and who can express themselves so easily. The
pressure of doing things that I am not good at and the
deep fear caused by this, again was so close to me...